Christchurch Psychology » News and Views

Earthquake: Trauma and Stress

admin — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 03:44:44 +0000

Everyone in Christchurch has experienced extremely traumatic events over the past few days. However, our experiences have ranged from fairly mild to extremely severe, and our reactions to these experiences depend, to some extent, on our past experiences and our personalities. What we will all have to do as time goes by, is find a way to make sense of these traumatic events so that we can go on living productive lives that are not limited by the psychological results of trauma.
The human brain has very specific ways of dealing with unpredictable experiences of this kind. Any time that we are present during an event that threatens our own or other people’s lives, our brains go through two critical processes – immediately evaluating the risk, and instantaneously finding ways to avoid being destroyed. However, once the imminent danger is past, we have to find ways to integrate the memories of the terrifying events into our understanding of how the world works. The vast majority of us will not have been in a life-threatening situation before, and so our memory networks inform us that the world is generally safe and that we, or the people around us, will not suddenly die. Because they have taken our own lifetimes to reach their current state, these memory networks are slow to change. So, for a period of time, the memories of our traumatic events “float” around – flickering in and out of our conscious awareness – before they can be built into a restructured memory system. It takes a while for us to reconcile a life-threatening event, like an earthquake, with our existing beliefs about the world being generally safe. This change process can take weeks or even months, and in the meantime, we struggle with the experiences that are commonly associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). However, a diagnosis of PTSD requires that a month has passed since the traumatic event. In our case, it is only five days since the 4 September, so we talk of Acute Stress Disorder – where the disturbances in our thinking, feelings and behavior have lasted for a minimum of 48 hours. Common experiences of Acute Stress Disorder are a sense of numbness, “being in a daze”, disrupted sleep, being very easily startled, feeling irritable, struggling to settle down to work, feeling disconnected from the real world (I’ve heard many people use the word ‘surreal’ to describe their experience), and having recurrent distressing images and thoughts of the event. These experiences are likely to continue until each of us, in our own unique way, makes sense of the events and “knits” the new memories into the fabric of our existing memory networks. Over a period of time, we will isolate our individual memory fragments about the earthquake, and work out just how much each fragment changes our general perception of the world as a safe place. For example, you might remember being at home, in your bed, when the earthquake struck. You need to build this memory fragment into your existing knowledge about how safe you are in your bed. Over time, you will build this memory fragment into your general understanding of your safety in bed, and, as you build up many more safe nights in bed, your anxiety about going to bed will fade. Additionally, you will integrate your memories of coping with the danger, and your resilience will be strengthened because you know that you have survived this terrible event.
Given the differences between adults and children in terms of an appreciation of death and a capacity to see “the big picture”, there may be significant differences in the ways that adults and children cope with the earthquake and its associated events. For example, children may seem to recover faster from the trauma, and may be distracted more easily than adults from thoughts of the event. The fact is that they may be relatively unaware of the life-threatening danger involved in extremely unusual events such as an earthquake. Critically, children look to the adults around them for indications of their own safety. When adults express fear or distress, children get the message that they, too, are in danger. Importantly, children receive the vast majority of their information through non-verbal channels – it’s not always what you say to your children that impresses them, but the tone and volume of your voice, your posture, and your facial expression. Just like adults, children rely on predictability to feel safe. So, parents can support their children’s adjustment to a traumatic event by ensuring that routines are adhered to as far as possible, that they stay close to their children, and are available to answer questions. Remember that children do best when their questions are answered briefly. Children can only process relatively small pieces of information at a time, so they can become overwhelmed if they are given comprehensive answers to simple questions. For example, the question, “Will there be another earthquake, dad?” does not require any kind of seismological answer. A simple response, such as, “I don’t know, but we did good with this one, so we’ll do good if there’s another one” would do nicely. Children primarily want to know that they are safe, and this is best accomplished by simple parental reassurances that the adults are taking care of business, and that they (the children) can concentrate on more age-appropriate pursuits. Remember, too, that children vary enormously in their tolerance for threat. Some children are hardy creatures, who bounce back from danger almost effortlessly. Others have a much lower tolerance, becoming anxious quickly and remaining so for longer. It is vital that parents understand their child’s particular temperament in order to know how best to facilitate their adjustment to this changed world. If a child experiences high levels of anxiety over a period of time (for example, refusing to be separated from a parent), it may be helpful to seek the assistance of a specialist in children’s anxiety.
Above all, remember that this is a time to be ensuring physical and emotional safety: First, make sure you have safe food, water, shelter and clothing and that any injuries are attended to. Then make contact with the people you know and love, and take comfort from them. Then gather information about where to get assistance from relief services such as housing, work and income, food banks, or counselling. Keep your plans very simple and remember that our most fundamental needs are for our physical safety and our connections with supportive others. Anything else can wait until the danger is passed and we are recovering from the shock. Because, be in no doubt, our inner worlds will be changed forever by this earth-shattering experience.

Adolescents and facebook

admin — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 02:22:13 +0000

Up to 90% of adolescents use one or more of the social networking sites – Bebo, My Space or Facebook are examples – and that’s a lot of young people socialising with a computer screen. So it’s not surprising that parents are asking whether their children’s social development is being compromised by having virtual friendships rather than real ones; whether they are missing out on important social opportunities by restricting themselves to online socialising; and whether they are exposing themselves to danger.
There seems to be a perception that adolescents use these sites primarily to make new friends – this isn’t backed up by the research. Therefore, it isn’t that teenagers are having virtual friendships in place of real friendships – they are simply using the online medium as well as face-to-face encounters to build their social networks. Without doubt, the vast majority of people use social networking sites to find out more about people who they have met offline, and interest in strangers is unusual. While the media love to report dreadful stories of young people meeting up with predators they have met online, the incidence of this is extremely rare. Teenagers keep up to date with their friends’ relationship status, whereabouts, and activities and interests, build their social identities in very visual ways by describing themselves in their profiles and customising their pages, and share group activities by posting photographs or alerting each other to what’s going on in their world. They share music and film clips, play games, join groups of various kinds, and support their favourite organisations. This is in addition to their face-to-face, email, or telephone contacts with their friends. They also make links with friends of their friends whom they then go on to meet. For example, one adolescent reported that she met her current boyfriend because he was a friend of her friend. Having linked to his profile via her friend’s webpage, she asked her friend about him. When her friend said her was really nice, the friend organised for them to meet at a gathering of their mutual friends. At least the adolescent had more information about him than if she’d been on an old-fashioned blind date!
Parents who have access to their adolescents’ sites voice concerns about the private information that seems to be shared indiscriminately by their children. What could be happening is that parents haven’t previously been aware of the quality or quantity of information that adolescents share with each other, because it has traditionally happened in private. However, there is lots of research showing that adolescents have always shared a tremendous amount of personal information with their friends – probably far more than their parents realised. In addition, surveyed adolescents are quite clear that they are aware of privacy issues. For example, one 16-year old teenager said, “I don’t give stuff away that I’m not willing to share”. Adolescents report that they are in control of what they share online – they use more private communications (e.g. MSN, email or txting) when they want to disclose more private information. One teenager said, “…[MySpace] is good for making arrangements and stuff, but it’s not good if you want a proper chat”.
However, there is no doubt that teenagers (particularly the younger ones) do not comprehend the availability of their personal information to their peers (imagine the school bully knowing some of the things you’ve posted!) or adults (imagine the school principal seeing some of your postings!). Some research shows that they are hard-pressed to describe the privacy features on Facebook, much less use them. Therefore, it is probably sensible for parents to educate their adolescents about using social networking sites effectively and wisely. For their own education, parents can go to http://www.onguardonline.gov/topics/net-cetera.aspx.

Drugs and alcohol and your family

admin — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 23:04:19 +0000

Are you worried about the drinking or other drug use of someone in your family?
If you answered yes to the question above you may be concerned for a variety of reasons, because substance use can lead to a range of problems. You may be aware of your family member’s actual consumption pattern, or possibly you’ve noticed the effects on family finances, or your family member’s behaviour, which could include being intoxicated, aggressive/violent, experiencing poor sleep, appetite or low mood or secretiveness. Of course many of these behaviours can have other explanations and so it is common for people to feel uncertainty, not only about how to approach their loved one’s substance use problem but also to be unsure of whether or not there is a problem

The best way to resolve this uncertainty is also the best first step in addressing the issue – talk to them! In preparing for this discussion it’s helpful to first set out what you need from this discussion and what their needs are. Outcomes you are likely to want are: to find out if they do in fact have a substance use problem, reassurance that they are also concerned and would like to change, and for them to acknowledge how their substance use affects you and others in the family. What they need is to become aware that there is a problem if they are not already, and to then resolve to make changes.

Whether or not this change will require formal support from a treatment service depends on the severity of their problem and also their preference. Whatever the seriousness of the problem, your family member is likely to have some ambivalence about changing, because there will be reasons they chose to use drugs/drink in the first place, whether it’s in response to stress or other pressures, or simply because they enjoy it. Also they may lack confidence in their own abilities to change. These are both reasons behind the often hidden nature of an alcohol or other drug problem.

Your concern and love for them are the most important tools you have undertaking this process. As well as concern however, it is also normal to feel anger, frustration and resentment. Tender feelings, such as love, may have been overtaken by these reactionary negative feelings. For someone with a substance use problem there is often a feeling of powerless, with loss of control a hallmark of addiction, and substance use often developing in response to difficulties about which the person feels unable to cope. Raising the issue in an accusing angry manner will simply serve to inflame these feelings and is very likely to elicit a defensive reaction, typically denial/minimisation or anger and accusation, none of which is very helpful. You are entitled however to let them know how their alcohol or other drug use is affecting them and to set out what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour in your household. Try balance this by reminding them of the positive things about them that you liked or admired before their alcohol or other drug use got out of hand. Remember that change is more likely to happen by you and your family member working together, rather than in opposition to one another.

Sports fans – the good, the bad, and the ugly

admin — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 23:00:19 +0000

Everyone has to develop a personal identity (“what are my values and what are my talents”) and a social identity (“who do I fit in with and who do I want to be like”). One way that people enhance their social identity is by being a sports fan. Being able to share in the achievements of a team builds self esteem, and having a group to belong to can protect us against feeling like we don’t fit in. We like to identify with successful sports teams or individuals because we can share in the reflected glory when they do well, and we can develop our knowledge of a sport that we’re interested in. Being part of a fan group also provides us with social support – a ready-made group of people who we can celebrate with and commiserate with – and we know that having lots of social support is really good for our psychological health, and even our physical health.
There is a body of research on the ups and downs of being a sports fan and it makes interesting reading. In one study, people who identified as fans felt good more often, and felt angry, depressed, lonely and tired less often than people who didn’t identify as fans. However, people who identify as fans also suffer more than people who don’t. For example, fans can experience intense anxiety before and during a game, and can experience significant anger, disappointment and depression if their team loses. When your team loses, you may even feel physically unwell for some days, with an increase in heart attacks noted after a major soccer match loss and a decrease in heart attacks after a win! When someone in your team behaves badly, your values may be violated and your self-esteem takes a knock. But these negative experiences give people opportunities to practice good coping strategies and build their resilience.
Being a sports fan also affects the way you explain your team’s wins or losses. People who identify strongly as fans of a particular team have stereotyped explanations for the team’s wins (the win is attributed to the team’s qualities like “What a great team”, “They’re so talented”) compared with their losses (the loss is attributed to something outside of the team like “What a bad ref!”, “They were jet-lagged”, “They were poisoned”). If there is a scandal involving the team, the explanation for a fan is likely to be “The media are out to get them!” while the explanation for the opposition team’s fans is more likely to be “They’re just a bunch of hooligans”.
However, like everything else that can be good for us, there can be a downside if we over-do it. People whose passion for their teams becomes too intense, can end up in trouble with their close relationships, their jobs, and even the law. For example, we know that sports fans drink significantly more alcohol than do non-sports fans, increasing the risk that they might have unprotected sex, end up with alcohol-related injuries, miss work or study, and get into trouble with the police. In addition, it seems that there may even be an increase in violent behavior associated with those people who identify very strongly as fans. Thankfully, these extreme cases are a small minority of the many people who are keen supporters of their sports teams. So, for the vast majority of people, being a moderate sports fan has significant benefits for psychological and physical health!

Gossip – it can be good for you

admin — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 22:57:33 +0000

Gossip is practiced everywhere in the world. Unfortunately, gossip has acquired a decidedly shady reputation. It is seen as unkind, destructive, and morally reprehensible, and most societies have explicit sanctions against gossip. The fact is that all of us produce, hear, or otherwise participate in talking about people who aren’t present because we need to know about other people in order to be able to function effectively. To categorise all gossip as negative is to misunderstand the essential functions that gossip plays in our everyday lives. What matters more than the positive or negative talk is the function of the talk – what the speaker and listener are trying achieve. The motivation behind the gossip is what needs to be analysed before we make evaluative judgements about the gossip. For example, in order to stay abreast of what is going on in our world, we depend on others to tell us about the people in it. Social conversation without a positive or negative evaluation is essentially just news: who got the job, who is having a baby, which team won the World Cup, who moved in next door, and so on. Gossip is also a very important way for people to develop intimacy as they share information of mutual interest. Let’s say that you and I both admire Mary – when I tell you about Mary’s latest achievement, I am building our common knowledge, and I am also helping you develop your relationship with Mary. Getting along in the world is hard, and we need all the help we can get from our fellow human beings. We are sometimes confronted by unforeseen risks and problems, but our way can be smoothed and softened by learning about the adventures and misadventures of others. So, gossip also serves to communicate information about rules and guidelines for living. When I tell you about George’s bad behavior at the staff dinner and the unfortunate consequences of his behavior, I may be trying to illustrate the importance of NOT behaving in a particular way if you want to succeed in this company.
It would be naïve to deny that there are also malevolent motivations for gossip. For example, I may be trying to increase my status as a socially sophisticated, important and well-informed member of my peer group, so I am keen to share a piece of gossip – and the more incriminating or derogatory or salacious the information, the better! It is simply true that negative information is more attention-getting than positive information, which has to do with our natural tendency to pay more attention to potentially harmful information than unharmful information. So I will use this “quick and dirty” short-cut in order to be perceived as important, rather than taking the time to build my reputation through more reliable (albeit more time-consuming and less spectacular) methods. Alternatively, I may have a personal vendetta against someone, and would pass on information (true or not) about that person, in order to try and damage their reputation or get them into trouble without having to confront them myself. The problem with both of these motivations is that there is a risk of the strategy backfiring – I take a considerable risk of being rejected by others unless I am sure that they feel the same way that I do about the target of my gossip. In the long run, it is safer and more effective to build one’s reputation by the development of one’s competencies than by trying to use malicious gossip, and it is safer and more effective to fight one’s battles face to face than trying to get others to do the dirty work.

Step-parenting

admin — Sat, 29 May 2010 09:10:09 +0000

However well it goes, there are times when step-parenting presents a significant challenge, especially in the early years. Estimates suggest that roughly a quarter of families in NZ are remarriages with children, and that a great many of these remarriages dissolve within the first few years. Authors suggest it may take 7 years for the ‘new’, blended family to function effectively as a united team but many families do not last that long. However, there are principles worth following to improve the odds of a successful outcome.
A step-parent (SP) may enter the ‘new’ family with a mixture of fervour and trepidation. Determined to avoid the pitfalls of the archetypal ‘evil’ stereotype, the SP may strive hard and wonder why their efforts (with their step-children) sometimes fail. Reasons are complex. The step-children have undergone the loss by death or separation of a biological parent, and feel strong loyalties to that parent, so a sense of betrayal may accompany any positive feelings they experience toward the SP. Also, the child may view the SP with suspicion, or even as a threat to their ties with, and attention from, the biological parent (BP) partnered with the SP.
The new couple may share similar backgrounds and have similar views about parenting, but this is frequently not the case. Time taken to discuss values, early experiences and hopes provides a building platform for the ‘new’ parenting team. There may be aspects of parenting that each parent is wishing to avoid (from their own experience of being parented or how it was in the previous family) and aspects that they wish to repeat. The discussion of expectations for behaviour, and negotiation of plans for management of the inevitable pushing of boundaries, pays dividends. Then parents need to communicate these plans to the children. One critical principal is always to maintain respect for biological lines – the BP does the front-line parenting and the SP provides a solid support or back-up system. It is also important to allow time for biological ties to be honoured with rituals and memories and one-on-one time between the BP and his or her children.
Maintenance of a strong couple relationship may go some way to prevent biological children and their BP aligning against the SP. Plan strategies for positive discipline, and ensure that the children see a united team in the parents – especially when it comes to the maintenance of expectations. Decide on support, rules, consequences, and household tasks, and encourage adherence, noticing and reinforcing positive behaviour. When the hard stuff happens and punishments or consequences are required for defiance, or failure to comply, the BP must adopt the lead role with the SP in support (perhaps standing beside or just behind the BP and nodding, wordlessly). Difficulties escalate when the SP, in their fervour to get it right or be helpful or defuse conflicr between the BP and the child, moves in front of the BP to a ‘policing role’. Primarily, at least early on, the SP’s goal is to be a warm friend to the child – keeping a distance so that the child has a space in which to observe the SP and approach when comfort allows.
It is a mistake to try to compensate for the deficits you perceive it your partner’s parenting by adjusting your own style. For example, a parent who perceives their partner as unduly harsh may overlook behavioural transgressions and fail to maintain appropriate boundaries. Rather, each parent needs to address their own parenting strengths and weaknesses so they are able to confidently model calm and balance in their approach to the children. Expect the bumps in the road and welcome them as a chance to try out your well-rehearsed tools.
Be aware of the potential for the children suffering loyalty conflicts and maintain positivity towards the absent biological parent to minimise the children’s distress and anxiety. At all costs avoid the child witnessing hostility or conflict between any of their parents. Whatever the composition of the blended family, it is up to parents to take the role seriously and engage in planning. When the blended family works well, the rewards are immense for all members and children flourish. I commend The Step-Parents’ Parachute by Flora McEvedy as an excellent, practical resource for understanding the difficult the role of the SP, answering questions like: Who am I in all this? What am I supposed to do? What is my role? How can I contribute in a positive way? How can I help?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

admin — Sat, 29 May 2010 09:05:26 +0000

In recent times, there appears to have been an increasing number of natural disasters occurring, such as the earthquakes in Haiti, Chile, China, and the tsunami experienced in Samoa last year. Following such events, attention is paid to victims’ physical needs, such as injuries, food, and shelter. However, after such events the psychological impact of trauma is often overlooked. This is often true of any trauma we experience, whether it is natural or manmade, such as a road accident, being assaulted, or experiencing some form of abuse. Following such events, some people may experiences distress, nightmares, or have repetitive and intrusive thoughts about the traumatic event. These reactions are common but generally pass after few days or weeks. However, a number of people may go on to experience more disabling and long-term psychological consequences, such as anxiety or depression. It has been found that up to 20% of people may develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) following exposure to a traumatising event. Further, approximately half of those experiencing PTSD also develop depression. Due to the distress caused by PTSD, some people may increase their alcohol intake or use street drugs as a way of escaping their symptoms. Unfortunately, this often leads to further anxiety and low mood.

Common symptoms experienced by those who have PTSD or a psychological reaction to trauma include: experiencing unwanted distressing thoughts or images of the event; nightmares; strong emotional responses to reminders of the trauma (e.g., feeling overwhelmed when around men whose body shape is similar to someone that assaulted them); and powerful physical reactions to reminders (e.g., feeling shaky and hot). People may experience flashbacks, which are strong intrusive memories that feel like the event is happening again. Flashbacks may include re-experiencing sounds, physical sensations, smells, and the emotions felt at the time of the trauma. Other frequent symptoms include, problems getting to or staying asleep, concentration difficulties, increased anger, being more easily startled and jumpy, feeling constantly on alert for danger, and feeling numb or having difficulty connecting to emotions. Understandably, people with PTSD will begin to avoid any reminders of the event, including people and places. They may withdraw socially and may feel disconnected from others. For some who survive a traumatic event, they may experience distressing levels of grief and guilt.

About half of those with PTSD may recover without treatment in the first year following a traumatic event. However, if someone has had trauma symptoms for longer than six months following the event and the symptoms have not improved, then it would be advisable to discuss this with a doctor. With effective treatment the majority of people get better. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) are two psychological treatments that research trails have noted as effective interventions for trauma reactions, including PTSD. Both aim to reduce trauma symptoms by helping the sufferer experience the trauma memories in a less disturbing way. That is, trauma memories often feel like they are “frozen” in time along with all the intense feelings experienced during the trauma. CBT and EMDR help to unfreeze such memories so that they are less overwhelming and less vivid. This helps the person perceive the memories in a different way that may lead to less repetitive intrusive thoughts. CBT helps people view the event and themselves in a less distressing way and helps the person rebuild their lives by reducing avoidance. If you or someone you know is are struggling with trauma symptoms, then the self-help book “Overcoming Traumatic Stress” by Herbert and Wetmore is an excellent guide towards recovery. However, some people may benefit further from seeing a clinical psychologist.

Adolescent sex offenders

admin — Wed, 12 May 2010 18:35:18 +0000

Sexual offending continues to be an emotive topic that elicits extensive discussion amongst the general public, scholars, and the legal system. While adult offenders are often exposed in the media, much less is reported and known about juvenile sex offenders.

While the majority of sexual offenders begin offending in adulthood, research suggests that 20 percent of all rapes and 30-50 percent of all child molestations are perpetrated by under 18’s. The challenge is to identify young people who display concerning characteristics before they offend and potentially launch into criminal careers. However, this is no simple task.

Not surprisingly, a high proportion of juvenile sex offenders have been sexually abused themselves. While most children who are sexually abused do not go on to become sexual offenders, some tend to model similar behaviour to that which they have been exposed to. In particular, those who offend against other male children are far more likely to have been sexually abused themselves.

A key task for adults is thus to identify as soon as possible whether a child has been sexually abused and to seek professional advice. Amongst younger children, warning signs include touching the genitals of other children or animals, rubbing their genitals against others, sexual innuendos, attempting to undress others, and inserting objects into the vaginas or rectums of others. These behaviours should occur repetitively, across varying situations, at an age younger than they appear in other children, and be unresponsive to adult intervention/supervision.

Adolescents who have been abused are more inclined to display poor school performance, drop out of high school, engage in delinquent acts (such as criminal behaviour and substance abuse), and take sexual risks (such as engaging in sex at a young age and not using condoms). In fact, juvenile sex offenders look a lot like juvenile general offenders. Juvenile sex offenders who offend against peers of a similar age or older tend to have early contact with the law, conduct problems, and as many as half have prior general offence histories. They are also 2-4 times more likely to be reconvicted of a new non-sexual offence than of a sexual offence. Their offending may be linked to a general antisocial attitude of abusing the rights of others, rule breaking, sensation seeking, self-serving acts at others’ expense, and acting impulsively (often under the influence of substances). However, as a group, they tend to have less extensive criminal histories than non-sexual offenders. One area of added concern amongst sexual offenders is a propensity to engage in fire setting.

A difference is often noted between general offenders and juvenile sexual offenders who commit offences against children much younger than them. They display fewer conduct difficulties and a more specific interest in sexual contact with young victims (much like adult paedophiles). Such individuals are more likely to compensate for negative emotions and seek self-comfort by engaging in sexual acts. Not surprisingly, such offenders often have poor self-esteem, few positive dating scenarios with same-age peers, and lack a “normalising” peer group.

The effects of being sexually abused for the victim are potentially extreme in nature. Unfortunately, when the victim becomes the perpetrator, the cycle is compounded.

Separated parents: What’s it like?

admin — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 04:59:23 +0000

Approximately one half of committed relationships (marriage or de facto) result in separation – that’s a lot of separated adults. Between August 2007 and July 2008, the Family Court in New Zealand granted 10,000 divorces – and that doesn’t account for all of the de facto relationships that ended during that time. The breakup of a committed relationship is a stressful event. In fact, separation and divorce have been ranked as the second-most stressful events in life after the death of a spouse. Overseas research has found that people going through a divorce are more at risk for psychological difficulties (like anxiety and depression and the overuse of alcohol) than people who are married, or people who have never been married. Interestingly, it seems that there may be some differences between men and women with regards to these difficulties. Some research says that men struggle more than women, and other research says that women struggle more than men. One of the reasons that these differences have been found may be that people are usually only asked once about how they’re coping. So, maybe women suffer more at the beginning and men suffer more later on, or vice versa. If they’re only asked once about it, the researchers may never know that things got better (or worse). Unfortunately, we don’t have that information about separated parents in New Zealand.
In 2008, there was an average of nearly two children involved per divorce in New Zealand, which suggests that a large proportion of divorces involve people who have children. So, how much more stressful is separation when there are children involved? Anxiety about the children’s welfare adds a huge burden to the already-difficult process of separating from someone you’ve loved and shared your life with for a considerable period of time. Needing to communicate and co-operate with someone who makes you feel sad or angry or guilty or scared is very difficult. Working out how children are going to continue to get the best out of both parents can be a minefield of frustration and anxiety and even despair. It’s been suggested that parents going through a divorce are twice as likely to think about suicide than parents who are not going through a divorce. Some research says that fathers who don’t have custody of their children are at particular risk for mental health problems. It seems that being separated from your children a lot makes being separated much worse. Unfortunately, we don’t know much about how New Zealand parents cope after separation, and if we’re going to be able to provide the support that they need, to come through it all with as little damage as possible, we need to know. Not only is it important to know in order to support the adults, we need to know how the parents are doing because the well-being of parents has direct effects on children. We know that the well-being of children is directly related to the well-being of their parents, because children’s anxiety levels take off like a rocket when they become aware that there is something wrong with their parents. There’s lots of research demonstrating this with parents who are physically ill and parents who are distressed in any way. You can imagine how important a parent’s health and well-being are to someone who depends on that parent for their very survival. Because of their dependence on the adults around them, children are quick to notice signs that all is not well with a parent. For example, sad faces, signs of crying, and withdrawal from others are all evident to children. Obviously, arguing and fighting are equally evident that something is very wrong with the adults. All of these behaviors are frightening to children because their support systems seem to be in trouble, making the children even more vulnerable than usual. For these reasons, it’s really important that we know how separated parents are coping with the enormous stresses they face.
We also know that the well-being of children is directly related to the ways that their caregivers take care of them. Some researchers have suggested that parenting practices (the ways that people parent their children) change after separation, and this obviously has significant implications for children’s adjustment to the changed family structure. Differences have been found in the ways that mothers and fathers change their parenting after separation, and this may depend on whether the parent is the resident parent or the non-resident parent. Because adults can be overwhelmed by the emotional, physical, financial, and social changes associated with separation, it’s not surprising that their attention may not be as focused on the children as it previously was. Some research suggests that parents may become more irritable than they were, may not monitor their children’s behavior or whereabouts as well as they used to, may use harsher discipline than before, or may lean on their children for emotional support instead of leaning on other adults. Again, we don’t have any information about how New Zealand parents change (or don’t change) their parenting after separation. Again, we need to know so we can help reduce the impact of separation on parents and their children.
That is why I am doing a research study at the University of Canterbury that explores these two questions – what happens to parents’ mental health, and what happens to their parenting practices, after separation? My name is Kirsten Ritchie and this study is part of my Masters degree. I am being supervised by a lecturer in the Department of Psychology, Dr Fran Vertue. Fran teaches child and adolescent development at the university, and also works for the Family Court, counseling parents who are struggling to reach agreement about their children’s care, and making assessments of children’s custody arrangements. So she knows a lot about parents who are separated, and a lot about what children need to grow up happy and productive when their parents have separated.
Because I know how busy people are, and that it’s often easier to talk about difficult things if you don’t have to talk face to face with a stranger, and that it’s easier to talk about difficult things if your identity can be protected, I’ve decided to collect my information through an internet survey. So, all people need is a computer and access to the internet – oh, and about 30 minutes of their time – to let me know what it’s like to be a separated parent. I’m very keen to have any parent (male or female) who has separated in the past year go to the website [[http://psycdb.canterbury.ac.nz/limesurvey] and click on “The Mental Health and Parenting Practices of Separated Parents” study to complete the survey. The survey has questions that you answer (mainly by clicking on boxes). To make sure that my study doesn’t have some of the problems of other studies, I’m going to ask people to fill in a shorter version of the survey later in the year so we can see if anything changes. I would also like to stress the importance of male involvement as females are generally more likely to complete these sorts of surveys. When you go to this website [[http://psycdb.canterbury.ac.nz/limesurvey] and click on “The Mental Health and Parenting Practices of Separated Parents” study to you will find more information about the study, such as how it will work and how I’ll keep all the information confidential. I hope that you can find the time to help us collect this vital. I can be contacted on 3642987 ext 3638 or by email at khr19@uclive.ac.nz if you would like more information at this stage.
This project has been reviewed and approved by the University of Canterbury Human Ethics Committee.

Adult fighting: What happens to children?

admin — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 04:54:41 +0000

One of the most anxiety-provoking events for children is when their parents fight. Hearing or seeing parents in conflict threatens the most fundamental aspect of a child’s survival instinct. After all, parents are meant to ensure that everyone is safe. Let’s be clear – we’re not talking about everyday disagreements that are resolved fairly speedily and satisfactorily. In fact, it’s good training for children to see that people can have a disagreement, and yet work it out so that tension and unhappiness dissolve. In this way, they learn that having an argument doesn’t mean that you stop loving or don’t love the other person; that it’s normal to disagree about some things and still have happy lives; and they learn the skills necessary to deal effectively with conflict as they are growing up. However, when children are exposed to parents’ ongoing criticism, name-calling, accusations, put-downs, sarcasm, blaming, shouting, and any of the other aspects of physical or emotional violence (including intimidation, breaking things, ignoring protests, controlling finances or social activity, denying a part in the conflict), their anxiety levels increase to the point that they become chronically stressed. And chronic stress leads to all sorts of problems like vomiting and headaches, anxiety, depression, distractibility, and irritability. Children and adolescents who are chronically stressed struggle to achieve their potential at school or maintain satisfying friendships. They can become withdrawn and miserable and even become at risk of self harm or suicidality.

Exposure to severe conflict between parents increases the likelihood that children themselves will exhibit high levels of aggressive behaviours in various interpersonal relationships (for example with their peers, teachers or parents). In fact, a large body of research demonstrates that conflict between parents is associated with an increased risk for psychological problems among children in all families, whether the parents are together or apart. In our work with the Family Court, where the care of children is being disputed between parents or other caregivers, we see a lot of anxious children who are caught in the middle of intense conflict between the adults who are meant to be taking care of them. This conflict is usually born of longstanding relationship problems between the adults. Children will go to extraordinary lengths to try and stop the conflict – they may lie to the first parent about the second parent if they think this will make the first parent happier (and vice versa); they will behave badly simply to interrupt the parents’ battle, and would rather be getting into trouble from the parents than have the parents fighting with each other; they will withdraw from one or other of the parents in an attempt to avoid the distress of the anxiety caused by the conflict; they may behave very strangely in order to draw the parents’ attention away from each other; and they may try and keep everyone happy by being incredibly obedient and compliant (which isn’t normal all the time!). In any case, parents owe it to their children to protect them from severe, unresolved conflict, and children have the right to grow up in environments unmarked by violence of any kind.